Friday, July 28, 2006

Kid Stuff "Redux" .

I've never been crazy enough to jump Niagara Falls on a "Jet Ski" , but I can see what he was trying to do . Here's something from "The Way Back Machine" . Something I wrote last year . Hope ya enjoy...

Do you ever push the limit ? When you were young did you do dangerous things ? Are you lucky to be alive ? I am ! And I'm bigger for it !
When I was a kid I did some crazy stunts , they give me the chills just thinking about them . At four years old my family joined a troupe of vagabonds in a traveling carnival . We would go to different State & County fairs all over the east coast . Ontario , Michigan , New York , Ohio , Pennsylvania ...all over .
My first stunt was at a Ohio County fair , [dunno which one ] but they had prize pigs . Big f'n pigs ! I would climb in the pen with dem hogs jump on their backs and ride those fuckers all around . I was a " Pig Rider Extraordinaire " ! My daughter loves this story . " My Dad rode pigs "! Doesn't sound to dangerous does it ? I didn't think so either . Until my Dad found out . He bitch slapped me some hard . Seems that hogs don't like being ridden much and they like the taste of little children . Dad told me if I'd had fallen off there was a good chance them pigs would have torn me apart , eaten me bones and all , within minutes . Ewwww. Scared the fuck out of me because I rode those guys for days and nobody knew . I went back the next day just to show I could do it again but the farmers had taken them home . Crazy !

In Ontario Canada we meet up with a true stunt show "The Hell Driver's ". If you were lucky enough to see these guys , you know what a great a show they put on . Cars crashing , motorcycles jumping , fiery hoops , real cool stuff ! Now my sister was kind of cute , young , but cute . So the guys would always want to show off and take her for a ride . "Hey girl want to go for a ride around the track "? Me , being the "kid brother" and always being at her side . "No but you can take my brother Wally , he'll go ". I'm sure this is not what he had in mind but he went along with it . " OK Wally . You wanna go "? " YOU BET " ! Picture a four year old kid in a stunt car , no helmet , hitting a ramp , as the car goes up on two wheels and drives around a dirt track . Fun! Ya great fun til my Dad found out . I think that guy was lucky to get out of that alive ! My Dad was a tough cookie with a brown belt in Judo and blistering temper . Luckily sis took a liking to the driver! Her and Mom begged Dad not to kill the "Hell Driver" .
At the midway I was the King . "THE KING OF THE MIDWAY"was my name . I'd walk down "Broadway" & the "Carneys" would say "HEY KING"! No shit I was king , the gang really watched out for me . I'd even run some of the kiddie rides ! At night if I didn't want to go to bed the guys would hide me on the Ferris wheel , sometimes I'd fall asleep on the floorboards of the wheel as it went round & round . I think that was dangerous ? Ya think ? Anyhoo.. I never kicked the thrills.
I was lucky enough that my Father was a good provider for our family . He had a lot of disposable cash . To my Dad all cash was disposable . Dad would buy us snowmobiles , motorcycles , horses etc.... After our "Carney" experience Dad and Mom bought a go-cart track . My sister was a fearless racer . She would race the men and beat the shit out of them every time . She would drive a cart "full out" around that track . I loved watching people's reactions when she'd climb out of that cart . Mouths open , jaws drop as a 4ft. tall girl smoked them on a race cart . I would watch her and afterwards I'd drive that cart . Man I wished I was old enough to race ! Dad lost the track so I never got to race , but I know I could have torched those asshole too ! When I was ten years old I jumped a minibike over a 3' tall x 5' long lumber pile [ no helmet ] . I made it but I busted the front forks in half . Oooh , the kids in the neighborhood thought I was cool ...or crazy ...or both . My Dad thought it was stupid and slapped me in the head . Needless to say that minibike was no more , he gave it away .
At eleven years old my Dad bought me my first horse . I 'd had a few ponies before . She was a former race horse . Man could that mare could run . Fast man ! Real fast ! Although she was a thoroughbred circuit horse she was very kind , she had the disposition of a good mother & I know she loved me . I guess your think'n how I know this ? For the simple fact that I really didn't have the strength to hold her . If she wanted to she could have dump me anytime . She was a real sweet ride . If you have never been on a thoroughbred going full out , it's a unbelievable ride ! It's wild ! There's nothing out there that's as much of a "RUSH" ! I've chased that feeling many times from bungee jumping to driving a motorcycle at 150mph. Believe me there's nothing out there ! The sound of the horse snorting , the wind in your ears . The feeling of the horse smoothing out , like your floating , up & down , up & down. Hands clinched , bent forward , it's head close to yours . You become in-sync with the animal , focused . The adrenaline pumps like crazy ! After a hard ride your eyes are like saucers . "AMAZING" ! Again no helmet , ever . Lucky !
One of my stunts that failed was when I fell off a roof , 10 ft. up , head first, right on my bike's spokes . The bikes spokes cushioned the blow . I spent a week in the hospital with a concussion . Should have worn a helmet that day ! The reason I was on the roof ? I was setting off fireworks in a old mill . Now that's super crazy !!! Ever seen a dust explosion... woooosh ! I'm lucky that didn't go up in flames . I'm not a thrill seeker and I wont pretend to be one , but I try to live my life to the fullest . I've been blessed . Blessed to live a full life & not been seriously hurt ! I shutter sometimes at my actions . Why did I do those things , why do I want to do more of them & why I didn't go to jail ?! Some guys are always chasing a "RUSH" . "A way to feel alive ". Hopefully my next adventure will be just as memorable . Some people don't even remember their early childhood , mine is as vivid as yesterday and I'm just touching what I've done . I wouldn't change any of those experiences . except the concussion !!! Remember Play Safe ! Your Helmet Wear'n Wallycrawler

8 Don't Just Sit There Say Sumthin !:

The Phosgene Kid said...

What doesn’t kill you just makes you stronger.

Die Muräne said...

I fully agree with phos!

I think as a boy you really have to do the hard and funny stuff until you can grow to a man.
I'm serious: you have to knock your head many times to become mature hahaha

wallycrawler said...

Kid da ya think I'm big and strong ? Well thanx !

Die Murane then I'm "way mature" , cause my "bell's" been rung a million times !

The Phosgene Kid said...

My most extreme stunt was riding my bike off a dock and into Lake Michigan. It wasn’t on purpose though, just clumsy.

Anonymous said...

Where did you find it? Interesting read » »

Anonymous said...

Best regards from NY! » » »

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