Friday, November 30, 2007

CSI Miami - Endless Caruso One Liners

Today We Celebrate The Worst Actor In Television History.
He's So Bad, He Great!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Will The Real Trent Lott Please Stand Up

...Mmmm...On Second Thought Sit Down There Big Boy!

The BIGGEST fag basher/racist in Washington has been exposed as a closet Homo.
Isn't it always the way. The guy point'n fingers and put'n people down for their lifestyles,
is the very thing he was try'n to destroy. This is the man that backed Bush during the worst civil rights abuses in American history. He resigned yesterday, because he "Loved Da Company Of Men".
Especially the company of a very young Benjamin Nicholas.
I really don't care what he does after work. hell during, I just hate a hypocrite.

I myself could never have figured out that such a butch man like Trent, liked the Hershey highway?

Sa Wally

Man this story is growing fast.
"The Right" is swinging hard at this young escort that Lott has had "alleged" gay sex with.
There call'n him every name in the world including a plagiarist! He hasn't even spoken yet.
Now the story unfolds that the story is going to be a piece done by Larry Flint (Hustler).
Larry Flint posted a reward for sex stories about the Republican Party last year. Kind'a modern day "Bounty Hunt" for "Fascists Fucks"! I know this sounds absurd. But it looks good on those dirty tricksters.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Off Colour Humour and How To Tell It.

OK if ya don't like Off-Colour humour stop now! Don't read anymore!

Ya still with me? Good!

I love the most offensive jokes the more vile the funnier with me. I've wrote and told the worst jokes at parties in front many people. I'll act out every roll of the "The Aristocrats" joke. I say them in mixed company in front of many people. Some if not most walk away, muttering or horrified, some laugh. The look of horror or the look of disgust makes me laugh. sometimes til I cry. Ya see the jokes maybe aren't that funny it's the reaction that's funny.

My oldest joke is: "What's 16" long, stiff, and makes a woman scream all night long"? -"Crib Death"! Not bad it's a start.

"What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple"? "I don't cum on my apple before I eat it"! Oldie but a goodie. Some guests tend to leave the room about now.

I wont say the "Baby Diaper" joke every ones heard that!

I love this one: "How can ya tell if your mother is on the rag"? "Your brother's cock tastes funny"! Ya that one still makes me chuckle. I get a belly laugh at dinner that's fer sure!

Keswick shit sandwich: A Sutton man, a Keswick man and myself are attending the Sutton Fair. After conversing for a bit, the Keswick man stands up a says "I'mz A hungy" and reaches into his jacket and pulls out a withered hotdog bun. Then he pulls down his pants, puts the bun between his legs and grunts out a large bowel movement into it. He then proceeds to eat it all the while smile'n the smile of a retard on a swing. The Sutton man looks at me and says "Fuck is that the grossest thing you ever saw". I'm barley hold'n down my breakfast when he gets up pulls out two pieces of wonder bread, moves over to a Holstein Cow, reaches into it's ass and pulls out a huge lump of fecal matter, slaps it on the bread and eats its. He looks at me and with his mouth full states, "Fuck'n Keswickians, they're like cannibals"!

I'm in some stupid hotel in Northern Ontario, so I just posted this unfinished.

I'll post the rest later.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Meet Joe Francis

Joe Francis is your average America man.

He's a young man of middle class origins that happened to strike it rich in his early twenties.
He lived the life of every mans fantasy. Parting with the rich and famous. Private jets...Yup Joe Francis was a lucky man..."WAS" is the proper word.

He still happens to be the ruler of a huge empire. The "empire" is also the reason he has been a political prisoner for the last nine months of his life.

Joe's release sure isn't in his near future!

Is Joe in a foreign prison, being held hostage for money? MMMM...No. Joe is in a county jail in Nevada. Can't he afford a bail? Yes he can, he's a multi-millionaire, maybe a billionaire! So why is Joe in jail?... Joe Francis is in jail for a misdemeanor charge of missing a civil court date...He's been in jail for nine months . He can't post a bail. A county judge and prosecutor has seen to it that he'll never post a bail, and these men of the court aren't even in the state of Nevada, they're in Florida! Why have these men of great deeds done that to a multi-millionaire? Maybe I should tell ya a little more about Joe?

Joe is the creator and producer of "Girls Gone Wild".

A few years ago Joe Francis went to a spring break in the Panhandle of Florida. He, his crew and his cameras were there to get young women to expose them selves on his seamy video series. (I should also tell you, I'm not a big Joe Francis fan. I think he's a bit of a scum bag.) But, in America your free to make your living anyway you want. as long as you pay your taxes and don't break the law.

The Florida city that is the curse to Joe Francis is Panama City Florida. He was warned never to bring his cameras to the city 5 years ago. He defied the city founding fathers and went to Panama City anyway. He was put in jail the same day as he hit the beach. He became a victim of a civil rights abuse. He was put in jail and not charged. He also was physically and mentally abused in that jail. Joe filed a civil rights violation suit and won. His real downfall came when two women came forward to file a civil charge that he videoed and sold DVDs of them showing their breasts, with consent and ID. The problem was they lied, they were under the age of consent. Joe refused to settle a suit with them, so a Panama City judge threw him in jail. Joe had some medicine on him when he complied with the arrest order. That mistake in Florida could get you life in prison. In that Florida jail Joe Francis was again denied his civil rights and not given a bail hearing. He stayed in jail for over ninety days until the federal government came in and took Joe Francis to Nevada, on a minor tax charge. So there he stays in a Nevada jail for over seven months. No bail again, but now at his request , because if he does become released in Nevada he will instantly be rearrested and sent back to Florida. Joe Francis knows what will happen to him in that Florida jail. Joe will never make it out'a that place alive. Joe's biggest mistake was call'n the Panama City court "Mickey Mouse" , the lead Judge and it's lead prosecutor "corrupt". Well they are, he's already proved that in his civil case. Now they're striking back.

The freedom of expression is gone in North America. The right wing bible thumpers of the world are pissn' me off to no end! They're stepping on every civil right that was given to us. Joe Francis isn't the nicest guy in the world or even a very sympathetic person, by any means. He's a pornographer. A kind'a creepy pornographer who leads young women to believe they could be noticed in the entertainment business if they just expose themselves. He pries on the meek, innocent, drunk, young women, in a party mood. Hey I've done that, so has every young man, but not for profit, and greed. I don't like Joe Francis, but I believe he has a right to a fair and unbiased trial. Not to be sent to a jail, to rot and not charged. Isn't that is why we went to war in the past? To fight dictatorships with unfair laws and zero civil rights.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Wallycrawler Presents: Asses: Da Good, Da Bad, Da Ugly!

OK lets start with da...

"Best Ass": That's easy, Jessica Alba!

Runner-Up: Eva Longoria, Nice!

Worst Ass: It was, at one time, a great ass... Britney Spears.

Runner-Up: Sharon Stone.
She's start'n to look like da bitch she is. "Woof".

Now that your all warmed up, a little game.

Wallycrawler's "Name Dat Ass Game"!

Below there are some famous asses.

Put a name to dat ass.

The answers will appear in the comments & yes I'll post the answers after I see how ya do.

The winner gets a date with Da Wallycrawler. The loser gets two!

1) Who's dat?

2) Who's dem Bums?

3) Careful now it's not that easy. They're a few surprises!

Good Luck All.


Saturday, November 03, 2007

Ugly Ass Celebrities.

Wiliam Defoe: OK a great actor, but man ugly as a dried up condom! Ya know what I hear? Guys that are "Fugly" have huge cocks, and that's what I heard about him. Ya lucky ol' skin-bag!

Sarah Jessica Parker: Mole, moly, moly...M O L E... mole.
Why don'tcha just buy a rat to gnaw off that wart?

Steve Buscemi: Fuck man eat sumthin will ya? Loved ya in "Fargo"!

Tim Burton: How in da hell do you get all that hawt poon?

Never mind I know. Actress's will suck any one's dick to be in a movie...And there's noth'n wrong with that! "Big Fish" is a master piece! So's everything else he's done. Shit I'd suck his cock!

Tori Spelling: "Yonkers" If ya didn't have money men would be kick'n dirt in your face!

Micheal Moore: "Fat, Lazy and Stupid is no way to go through life young man"!

Ahh... he isn't lazy and far from stupid , but man will ya share a carb with the rest of the world?

Rene Zellweger: Wa da fuck hap'n ta you?
Somebody fire her publicist and kill her plastic surgeon.
"You had me at hello"...Good bye!

Perez Hilton: Who the fuck are you, ugly?

Keith Richards: "Whoa"! That face stops traffic! No maybe not? Then that bus that hit em, wouldn't have road right over his frig'n noggin. Fuck'n ugly dude.

Star Jones: OK this is a old picture, but she now looks like a frig'n Scientology Alien.

The Old picture is more flattering!

Jon Heder: Ya look as queer as a three balled cat! Fuck man I hate ta "Out" ya, but come out. shit!

Ferrets have more of a chin than yours. Bugs Bunny teeth. Buddy open your eyes. Can you do another character other than "Napoleon Dynamite"? Lame Dude, Lame!

You ugly, chinless, big toothed, talentless, retard...Give it up, now! Before I have'ta punch ya.

Oh Ya Loved "Neopolitan Dynamite"!

Jenna Jamison: Jenna, Jenna, Jenna, J-E-N-N-A. This one hurts the most.
You were perfect. What the fuck are ya think'n? You look like Posh Spice's ugly sister. You face was aging perfectly with just the right amount of character lines. There was a time you were the hawtest woman in Hollywood. Now you look like an eel!

Kelly Osbourne: It would be mean to say anything. Bad genes that's all.

Lyle Lovett: "The Ol' additive; Fugly = Large Cock". "He's huge in da pants"!

He'd have'ta be!!!

Micheal Jackson: Another ol' additive; "Small pee pee = Child molester".

Ugly is what ugly does!

Falvor Flav: Looks like he was on fire and somebody put him out with a 2x4.


Brigitte Nielson: She just gave up. And so she should have. It was a losing battle, the fat and ugly was oozing up from within. Evil incarnate!

Howard Stern: My personal savour! Anyway ugly as sin. Ya make me laugh every morning but ya look like Ichabod Crane. Beautiful gal on your side to offset your homeliness, good move!

Jay Leno: As about as ugly as unfunny. Almost but not quite! *see Carrot Top

Donald Trump: Nice hair on ya! With all your money ya can't get a hair transplant?

I do think you have dreamy eyes though Donald.

...shhh i hear he has a small wee wee and if I get in good with him I'd fuck him over, just ta swap DNA with his wife. She's flip'n unreal!

* Carrot Top: See Jay Leno.

Courtney Love: Man I wanted to fuck you. You were my "Slut-bag Dream Girl"!
Now your just an emaciated, dried up, brain dead, lice infested, rich ol'...OK I'm hard...I'll still do ya.

Sa Later Wally.