Saturday, December 31, 2005

Ya Wanna Know What The Story Of The Year Was ?

ApAthY :


Demand sugar companies to pay a living wage to the people of the Caribbean . Boycott sugar companies who practice slave labour .



They are here to control free thought or expression .

This is the "WORLD'S LARGEST TOADY " ! He has left his people open for terror by not coming to terms with Britain's true enemy . BIG OIL ! He has turned his back on Afghanistan to commit troops to Iraq . " Wa where's Osama " ? He cares not what happens on his own soil .

This man must answer for his crimes on people of the World . Demand his resignation . Then "SEND HIM TO JAIL" !


This is the Impala E85 . GM's high-ethanol vehicle . Made in Canada and the US . It Has the lowest emissions than any other car or truck in the world . It can use a 3.5 V6 or modified for a V8 [future] . It uses 85% ethanol 15% gas . Ethanol is a 100% renewable resource . The Impala has one of the best safety records for front , back and side impacts . The ethanol is made from straw . It seems straw is even better than corn . Tell the Jap car companies to kiss your ass before we become a third world nation . Tell Bush , Cheney , Blair , and OPEC to shove there blood for gas , up their asses . Buying these cars will make a statement that we will buy our own product . That we are committed to safe a reliable "American Made" car and a fuel other than OIL . This first step will bring back the economy to North America and keep it here . Fuck the Hybrid junk that the media is trying to force down our throats . "Keep our jobs here not in rice-land" . Don't be complacent demand a better fuel and a better future for our children .

Wallycrawler's Nominations For Da "Toady Of Da Year".

Your 1st. Nominee :

"New" to the list and first time honouree.
Mark Williams "KFKB" Radio . " Republican Sycophant , Right Wing Arse and All Around Fat Boy " !
You my friend make Rush Limbaugh sick with your " It's not the governments fault your sick & dieing ". " You should have left when you were warned the storm was coming " ![ Katrina ]. " The government wasn't apathetic the people were complacent " speech on CNN. Here's my favorite quote , " Kayne West is a Black Klansman " ! Your Stupid !!!
Have another donut asshole !!!

Your 2nd. Nominee :

Thief and all around dip-shit .

" Tom Tom " Delay .

You really can't hold the mentally challenged responsible can you ? In this case yes . " Hang you fucker "!!!

Your 3rd. Nominee :

Winner of da "Wallycrawler Asshole Of Da Year " award , Tucker Carlson .

" Fucker " , I heard that was your nick-name in college, it suits you . Your such a right wing feeb . Your such a proponent for the Iraq war I think you should join up . Help the cause . Matter of fact I think everybody who is pro-war should either join up or they should send their kids . " Kill dem Iraqis " ! Send your kids Republicans !!!

Your 4th. Nominee :

" Large " Dick Cheney

" Yor da man in charge aren't you " ? Your the right hand man to Satan himself . You answer to no mere mortal . Your my choice . " Scumbag " !!!

You 5th. Nominee :

George " Dumba " Bush . Winner four the last four years running . ' The Champ " is still a huge toady to the large oil corporations . As a matter of fact he will kill our future serving the likes of " Mobil and Exxon " . Will you ? Supporting this " retard " is death to America and Americans . This man [ ? ] is a coward , who when called , " hid " ! Following him is like following Chicken Little . " Yes Mr. President you my take a pee ". " Do you need a hand finding it again " ? You ball-less , clueless , cross eyed clown !
" I don't like you " !!!

Join the coalition of forces to:


Dear Mr . Coke-Head "IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR WAR ... Send Your Daughters To Fight "! " Those Reptile , One Eye In Da Ditch Offspring Should Be In Iraq Freedom Fighting " ! " Have a bad Year Ya Dry Drunk "! Love Da Wallycrawler .

A Write In Winner :

From the outside , a winner " Toady Of Da Year" Tony Blair .

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Wallycrawler's Best Movies For 2005 [ That I've seen ]


10]" The Weather Man" : Directed by Gore Verbinski . Staring Nicolas Cage .
I think Nic Cage is the greatest American Actor of our time . He has chosen the most interesting , most neurotic and different characters in the last 10 or 15 years . This time the gentleman in question is a lost soul in a sea mediocrity . I was very close to naming Andrew Niccol's "Lord Of War" to the top 10 . Both films are so very different and so very entertaining . I'm not a fan of the "Oscars" but Nicolas Cage should be nominated for both films .

9] " Crash" : Directed by Paul Haggis . All-Star Cast Includes ; Sandra Bullock , Matt Dillon , Brendan Fraser , Don Chedle ...& many more . This movie is about race and racism from all sides of the fence . How we see each other and our prejudices towards each other . Racism is ignorance and we see it full blast as these characters "Crash" into each other . Best ensemble piece this year .

8] "Broken Flowers" : Directed by Jim Jarmusch. Staring Bill Murray . Again Bill Murray gives us one of the best performances of the year . Don Johnson [ Murray ] is a multi-millionaire with nothing to live for , his life is boring [ by his own making ] until he finds out he has a son . This is a low-tech road movie with Murray doing nothing really [ but he always does that so well ]. Don is funny but at the same time sad to watch , it's the people he meets that makes this slow ride worth watching . Laura [ Sharon Stone ] and her daughter Lolita get the movie rolling on the right track . A track I think you would like to take twice . Great story telling and great cameos make for one of the best films of the year .

7] "Batman Begins" : Directed by Christopher Nolan . Staring Christain Bale . My surprise pick on the list . This movie may not be a surprise to you but it is to me ! I watched this movie on DVD because I didn't expect much from it and I was "way wrong" ! I should have known the Dark Knight was a fantastic comic . It's just , except for "Spider-man" & now "Sin City" Hollywood has killed every comic I've read . Hard to believe because comics have years of character development and hundreds of colorful characters buy they'll always find a way to fuck it up [ as in Fantastic Four ] . This time around they didn't strangle the story with cheery dialogue and gadgets . " Get Right Down To It " ! A comic should start with a kick to the stomach and end with a cliffhanger , "easy"' ! They did everything right this time hopefully they don't screw with years of good story telling and fuck it up again ! Enuff said .

6]" Star Wars III : Revenge Of The Sith" : Written and Directed by George Lucas . Staring Hayden Christensen .OK .OK I Know what your saying , "good film review until now" ! " What , what did you say , well fuck you " ! OK even if you don't agree with my movie tastes you have to agree it was a great ride , full of ups & downs . The roller coaster is the best ride and Lucus gave us the greatest movie ride in history . Darth Vader will go down as the most viled and loved characters ever in film or any other media . If you haven't seen it , see it . If you have never seen any of the series , [ as if , wa are ya new ? ] what are you waiting for , watch them now ! In any order . "Thanx George for the best movie experience of our lives" !

5] "Capote" : Directed by Bennett Miller . Staring Philip Seymoure Hoffman . " In Cold Blood " was the first non-fiction book I ever read and it scared the shit out of me . This movie really makes you think Truman's life was traumatized after writing that book . I don't know maybe it was ? Only he became more famous , after it's debut . That could be the curse. He couldn't follow it up . In his later years he became a "D" list celebrity which was tragic because he was maybe the greatest play-write of modern times . It's a hard movie to watch because of his downfall . Hoffman nails Capote's spirit and mannerisms without making him a buffoon , which some people treated him like in the end . Great cast ensemble .

4] Good Night And Good Luck : Written and Directed by George Clooney . Staring George Clooney and David Strathairn "uncannily" as Edward R. Murrow . This is the story of Murrow's battle with a plague on society by the name of Joseph McCarthy . A lair , bully , coward , who used the word traitor to anyone who opposed him and his lackeys . In the 1950's McCarthy destroyed freedom of speech , killed careers and destroyed lives [ sound familiar ? ] " Man don'tcha just wish there was a man in the media willing to stand up to George " Dumba" and his class of clowns " ! " Someone with the balls of Edward R. Murrow "! "Well guess what there ain't" !!! " Never mind I'm just pissed" ! This is a great story at the right time and truly well acted . Clooney is not afraid to play second fiddle and has become one of the finest story tellers in Hollywood , not to mention a good actor . His other film , " Syriana" would have been in my "Top 10" , if I'd seen it ! " That's a joke asshole" !

3] Walk The Line : Directed by James Mangold . Staring Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon . Johnny Cash was my Dad's favorite Country Star so every Sunday morn. I heard "Ring Of Fire" while nursing a hang over . Dad would make omelets and french toast for everybody who slept over . The only price , you had to listen to the "Trash Man" . Funny thing when you get older you come to appreciate different things and Johnny Cash is one of them . A great American folk hero . Dressed in black , with an bad attitude, "ya gotta love him", and you will when you see this movie . Joaquin Phoenix is a chameleon every role he's completely different . I know he's an actor he's paid to be different , but that's not always the case with Hollywood actors , Joaquin and Sean Penn they're the only actors who do this time and time again ," great actor" ! Reese Witherspoon really brings it this time ! She's a shoe-in for Best Actress come "Oscar Time" [ that sounds so gay] . I hear she's a bitch to work with or for but who cares with this kind of performance . They both used their actual voices on the soundtrack ," impressive" ! I loved this movie . It brought me back to my youth waking up to " A Boy Named Sue " .

2] Sin City : Directed by Frank Miller , Robert Rodriquez , guest director Quentin Tarantino . Based on the comics by Frank Miller . What can I say WOW ! Something completely different but so close to the books , amazing ! The trick here is Frank Miller he would not sway from the origin , and it worked brilliantly . What also worked here were the actors believing in the story and not hamming it up . That happens so many times in comic book movies and it makes me sick . The actors and the studios some how believe " if it's a comic . it's so kid stuff " . Comics aren't always for kids , most aren't , and novels don't have the development that a serial does . "Great work all who worked on this film , from the actors to the CGI experts , Great Movie Experience " !

1] A History Of Violence : Directed by David Cronenburg . Adapted from a Plup novel of the same name by John Wagner . Staring Viggo Mortensen , Mario Bello , William Hurt , and Ed Haris . This is a film about the survival of the fittest . " Mr. Every American , Tom Stall" [ Mortensen ] stops a stick up . Two hoods with guns . After his action Tom becomes the hero of the small town he lives in . When the news media shows up he tends to shy away . Hey he's modest , maybe not ! He has a past and a different name and Tom's past comes back to haunt him . Is this "Family Man" really the man he says he is , or is it all an illusion ? " Who do you really live with " ? "Is your husband or wife living a lie " ? That's the questions you'll be asking yourself after watching this film . Another masterpiece by Writer , Director , David Cronenburg . This is a horror story using "family" as the protagonist or villain . Scary !

So you might ask where's " Kong " or Spielburg's " Munich " . I haven't seen " Munich " . But I hear it's phenomenal . " King Kong " was a huge disappointment for me . Too long [ the movie is 45 Min. old when Kong shows up ] . Bad casting Adrien Brody as the love interest ? " Wa Nathan Lane to busy " ? And so on and so on... Giving Kong the Peter Jackson treatment was a bad idea & investment , and it shows at the box office . His " Gone Hollywood Ego " couldn't handle that the story was told perfectly at 100 min. run time . Oh no stretch it out [ 187 min. ] and show-boat his great talent to bore you to death . All the CGI in Anaheim couldn't save this wreak . Too bad it would have been glorious to bring Kong to life again . Sa Again Wallycrawler .

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

This Just In...

"Rickey Martin Is Not Gay "!!!

"I Repeat Rickey Is Not , Nor Ever Will Be GAY "!!!!

"HE'S NOT...He's no...he..."

Monday, December 26, 2005

Fuck'n Idiots !!!

I've lived in dis country ...forever and every f'n year there's more & more ass-holes driving with no snow tires . These dim-wits cause almost every accident .Last night during Christmas dinner we had a call , your nephew has been rushed to the hospital . We hurry out to find a ice & snow storm developing . We press on . The Highway was a mess but we have a Saturn Vue and it drives well in the mess [ we also have winter tires ] . The storm gets stronger the further north we go . Along the way we were passed by SUV's and small cars [ F'n Hondas ] one in particular was a Civic . This ass-hole went by us at 120K in solid ice . I said to my wife "he's dead"! As soon as it came out of my mouth he lost it ! It slid across 2 lanes missing a Chevy SUV & AWD Volvo ."Right in da ditch" ! As I slowed down I noticed he had no snow tires . "Fuck em , let him sit there da shit-head" ! The rest of the way there was no better , guys & gals losing it all over the place . "All with no winter tires" ! Please if you live in the north please , please buy some snow tires . They'll save time , your car and lives ...Maybe mine !!! I'm pleading With Ya . Oh ya my nephew was OK just stomach problems . Da Wallycrawler .

Saturday, December 24, 2005

It's A Wonderful Life

" Merry Christmas "

Da Top 10 Most Talked About Things Of Da Year

1] " HURRICANES " !!!

Nothing funny here this was one fuck'd up year for these killers !

2] Who's Da Hottest ?

By default Anna is still the champ . Maria has acne . Jelena is still not of age so can't dethrone the "Queen" . Besides I don't want to be called a pervert ! Look out next year though !

3] Tom On Oprah

Proof positive that Cruise is GAY ! No strait man would ever act like that , ever . Tom thinks that's how guys feel & act when in love . Guys don't act that way even when they just got the best rim-job of their lives . We barely even acknowledge that the chick is alive . THAT'S A STRAIT MAN ! A gay man acts the way he did [ not that there is anything wrong with being gay ] ! Live It , love it , be it ! Don't be a fool for the rest of your life .

4] "Frankenboob"

Remember this fuck-up ? Tara you were sooo hot . Wa da fuck did you do ? " Get'n drunk & give'n blow jobs not enuff now ya gotta kill dem titties " ! My Ex had fake ones but they didn't look like that . "Whoff" ! " Dems is Ugg-lly "! Your tits now reflect your career " A MESS " ! " Good luck next year drunk " .

5] "Dumba"

This son'o'satan has been a busy boy dis year , with all the kill'n & all , but it'll all be worth it in da end , when he descends to hell from which he came . "Keep up da bad work stupid " !

6] Howard " Friggin " Stern

"500 Million bucks" !!! OK ? I love Howard but 500 MILLION FUCK'N DOLLARS ??? Ya gotta be fuck'n kid'n me ! He's everywhere hoch'n dat radio "60 Minutes" , "Letterman" , "The Toady Show" It better be good Stern cause I bought da Sirius Satellite Radio ! So far the product is great , love it ! Hopefully the company will cover it's debts and wont be taken over by foreign bodies [ large TV & radio giants ]. Good-Luck !!!

7] Scientology

Dis cult is for the truly stupid ! The only way to explain this shit is " afraid " . The celebrity members of this crap are afraid of exposure . Da "Church" will cover any "misadventures" or "deeds" with a offense of attorneys that would rival Microsoft . If anyone exposes anything about a famous member ..."Look out", you will be sued into oblivion . "LOOK OUT WALLY"!

8] Madonna

" Da Hog " ! I don't know how she does it , but every year she's on my top 10 . This old " HO " Hit the wall 10 years ago and she's gotten less & less relevant since the crash . Now she's an advocate for a cult of Jewish witches . She is in the " Wallycrawler Hall Of Fame " for being stupid ...& useless . Her so-called career is officially over KAPUT, DONE , GOOD-BYE ! SA next year !!!

9] Angelina Jolie

A real "holly-weird" story in da making . What a beautiful woman , what a humanitarian , what an incredible slut ! She'll fuck anything or anyone [ brother ? ] to further her career and keep her name in the news .

10 ] DA Wallycrawler

What a great insight this man has ! His ability to report the truth is nothing but miraculous ! " Wa a great bod eh gals " ? God bless him .

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Dat's Not Right !

A Mexican Made Piece Of Junk Hits An American Made Motorcycle . Who Wins ? Not Da Sombrero !

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Wallycrawler Presents Da Asshole'O'Da Year

"Da Hands Down Wiener , Da Ass Clown Himself "

"Fucker Carlson"

Love Them Or Hate Them Wallycrawler Presents 2005 People'O'Da Year

"Da Man'O'Da Year "

"Heineken Man"

"Honorable Mention"

Atrie Lange

This And Every Year "2005 Woman'O'Da Year "

Courtney Love

Everybody's Sweetheart "Honorable Mention"

Jennifer Aniston