"Your Mission" : "Not To See This Movie" !

And The Hype Machine Keeps On Turn'n :

Last month "Parade Magazine" published an online poll , that found 84% of it's readers thought the media was to blame for Tom Cruise's "flaky image" ! Turns out , out of 18,000 respondents ,14,000 votes came from 10 different computers , and 8,400 votes came from one specific computer ! This is typical , most magazines never check facts . Even their own stats . If I was "Parade" I'd wonder if online polls actually worked ?

That being said who gives a fuck ?

Most of you know how I feel about "The Church Of Scientology" and other cults . "Da Church" is way behind this movie , way behind ! They have a lot of moo-law tied up in "Mission Imposable III" . I'd really like them to fall flat on their faces , like last years "War Of The Worlds" . If you have some free time this weekend please don't see "M:i:III" . Go for a walk , go out to dinner , stay home and curl up for some hot sex , just don't go see this derwreck ! In a few months it'll be out on DVD anyhoo , then rent it .

Why give these white slavers a single dime !

Thanx Da Wallycrawler .

"Spring Has Sprung" !

So I guess ya figured I've been kinda avoiding the ol' blog lately . And yer right ! It's spring and I just haven't had time to post or write or think . The wife has me work'n all around the house , build'n and shit (Witch!) The kid and I will be playing & swimming at the park soon and I'll be ogling da chicks at the beach . So I think I'll just shut her down a bit during the summer months . I have a post almost ready so I'll post that soon ( I hope ) and then I'll just hang around now and then . Maybe make some comments when the sun isn't shin'n or someth'n and then get back to it next October , ya know in the fall .

It's been a great first 6 months . I've been chastised by a Fox news staffer , threatened by a Scientologist , called a liberal freak , told I was a pig by a "thirtysometing" student , I've had some people call me every name in the book...So it's been a very successful endeavor so far and it's been loads of fun , so thank you all very much !

So I wish you all a very happy Spring and Summer . I'll be around , just not as much .
Da Wallycrawler .

Thanx to Die Murane for being my first real comment ! Also to all the other bloggers who have made me laugh , think and argue . Thanx everyone !

Happy Easter

Good Friday

Da Gospel According Ta Da Guy In Da Black Hat .

So some people believe Judas Iscariot was a wronged man . That's surprising especially if he was the man writing the scripts . Who'd have thunk it ? "Hey Judas ya just turned in the Son Of God what ya gonna do now " ? "I'm go'n to Disney World " ! "Then Kill Myself" .

It's Funny that every year around this time (Easter) some amazing document comes along proving Jesus was not the Son Of God . This time it's Judas's turn .

Well , as ya all know , I'm one of the lucky ones ! I've got the power to talk with the dead and I have interviewed some of history's greatest and most infamous men . I have talked to Judas before but he wouldn't take my calls now ( busy cause of this new shit I'm sure ! ) . Here's my old interview with Judas . This is an old transcript so some of the interview is kinda disjointed , but I think you'll get his message .

Wallycrawler : Judas how ya do'n ?

Judas : "I wish I could say better Wally , last night Hitler and Joe Stalin double anal raped me again" ! "That fuck'n Stalin all he wants ta do is fist fuck , fist fuck , that never gets old ta him" .

Wally : Oww ! OK then... Tell me what's Hell like Jude ?

Judas : "You'll find out Wally" . "Just kidd'n" ! "Your OK Wally" . "Ya know endless suffering , pain , da heat is fuck'n murder and ya get fuck'd in every orifice" . "I was once fornicated by a bull in my pee-hole" !

Wally : WOW I bet that smarts !

Judas : "Ya" !

Wally : Judas what happened on that last night with Jesus ? Why did you turn the Messiah in ?

Judas : (obviously nervous) "Ya see Jesus wanted to be turned in , man" ! " He wanted ta die on dat cross , ya right , that's it " ! " Ya that resurrection thing . didn't hap'n , see" ! " I know cause I was dare " . "Even if I was dead , ya dat's it" ! " Ya he wasn't da messiah anyhow , he was a , a carpenter , see , and a shitty one at dat" ! " Did ya ever see that stereo stand he made me" ? "Fuck'n sux" !

Wally : So Jesus wanted to be turned in to the authorities ? OK I see ! Why ?

Judas : "Fame Man , Fame" ! " Dat guy was all about da fame , see" ! "He makes Geraldo look like Gandhi" ! "He had all da boys (apostles I guess) write good stuff about him , man" . "Like he could , like walk on water and stuff like dat dare" !

Wally : Anyway he wanted to die so he'd be famous ?

Judas : "Ya man da fame" ! "What a fuck'n ego he's got" !

Wally : If that is true why are you in hell ? How come your not in heaven ? All the other apostles are now saints and they have the number one best selling book in the last 2000 years ? Except for "Private Parts" of coarse !

Judas : "Hey man I fuck'd up man" ! "I went and killed me-self" . " If I didn't do that , see , I'd be the Messiah" "Ya I'd be the Messiah. an Jesus would be a faded memory , that's it" ! "Fuck man , if I didn't off me I'd be Gods boy , ya that's da ticket ! "Ya I read Private Parts and dat guy's gonna get fisted too" ! "Satan can't wait til gets his hooves on dat guy" !

Wally : Is there anything that is out there to prove you were doing what Jesus wanted ?

Judas : "Ya about 400 years after I croaked some monks wrote some way-out scripture proving I was a cool dude" .

Wally : How would that prove you were righteous ?

Judas : "What da fuck ya want with me Fuck-Head" ? " Just find dat papayas , da answers dare , see" !

Wally : OK , OK , I'll pass that along ! One last question Jude , what did you do with the gold you received ?

Judas : "Whores , man , whores" ! "Dat Jesus guy wouldn't ever let me get laid man" !

Wally : Well hope it was worth it to you ? That was my interview with Judas Iscariot , former apostle , crude folk hero and rat-bastard .

For transcripts see below . Thank You The Wallycrawler .

Game Two : Who's Da Hottest Reality Star ?

Adrianna Curry: From "ANTM" & "Surreal Life"

or

Amber Brkich : From "Survivor" & "Amazing Race"

OK Let's Play A Game !

WhO'S dA sTuPIdeST CeLEbRitY ?





Tom "The Knob" Cruise

vs

Tara "Piss Tank" Reid

Who's Da Coolest Blogger ?




Jungle Jane

vs

"Psychic Dumb Dumb"

Who's The Smartest Blogger ?

"Denny"

vs

"Ing"

Who's Da Hottest celebrity ?

"Linsay Lohan"

vs

"Scarlett Johansson"

Who's Da Funniest , Hottest , Sexiest Blogger ?

"WALLYCRAWLER"

"No Contest Da Wallycrawler Is Da Asshole Of Assholes" !!

Joesph McCarthy & The FCC

OK , OK ...I know what your thinking . What can Howard Stern and Edward R. Murrow have in common ? Well how about a fight of legendary proportions . A fight with the "RIGHT" thinkers of America . A fight for your rights of freedom of expression . The fight for your "I Amendment" . This American "right" is being struck down , again . Freedom of speech isn't the "1st." amendment out of luck , it's first because it's the most important law in the free world . It's the one right everyone in the world envies . The French Constitution with all it's amendments none are concerned with free speech . Also many other countries in the world , including my own country Canada , have little or no mention of free speech in their constitutions . America is truly envied and they're throwing their rights away ! I find this criminal and stupid .

Edward R. Murrow was a newsman , impartial , studied , worldly . Howard Stern is a comedian , satirist , outrageous . Two completely different people . They do share one thing in common their fight with personal freedom . Most of America was behind Joesph McCarthy when he was attacking Hollywood and it's "left" leaning philosophies, until "Fat Joe" was exposed as a bully and lair by Edward R. Murrow and his producer Fred Friendly . McCarthy had "black-balled" hundreds of writers , producers and visual talent all over the entertainment industry and everyone who opposed him , including Murrow himself . Does this sound suspiciously similar to Sterns problems with the FCC ? When Stern changed his thinking on what had happened on 9/11 , his thoughts on the Iraq war and the way the Bush Administration's handled themselves and profit they were making on this "war" . His fate was sealed . That being said he did have some small fines in the 90's over bullshit claims , but Viacom at that time would never buckle and pay the FCC ransom . Not until the FCC , under Bush's flunky Michael K Powell (name sound familiar , it should it's the son of the then Attorney General Colin Powell . Wonder how he got his job ?) made it imposable to renew Viacom's licenses . Viacom had to pay or close it's doors of their radio divisions . George Bush has changed laws in the last six years if a radio or TV station is fined it must clear up their fines (PAY) or the station or stations will lose it's frequency license . No hearing , no trial , nothing ! Pay the fine ! That's it !!! CBS is owned by Viacom and was a "Liberal News division" (also Edward Murrow's former employer) . CBS bent over backwards to appease their new masters , the Bush Administration by paying fines made by the FCC for the Janet Jackson , "Super Bowl fiasco" . Then the government turned their sights to any other left leaning radio and TV personalities . Ms. Jackson opened up a can of worms when she exposed that ugly tit of hers . She gave fodder to Georgie and his "thought police" to bring down the Liberal media and they did a great job , including the firing of Dan Rather , but the one they had the most trouble with , was Stern . He had a huge following and they were greatly concerned he could help bring down Bush in the 2004 election . With the help of Michael Powell and the FCC "fascists" the Bush "Klan" began fining Viacom and a "Bush supporting Clear Channel" 10's of millions of dollars for radio shows all over the USA . Most of if not all of these fines were for the "Howard Stern Show" ! Clear Channel fired Stern immediately on all of their stations . Funny that happens during a election year ! And it's extremely funny it happened when Stern started promoting "Fahrenheit 9/11" and his recommendation to vote for John Kerry in the Presidential Election . Stern never let up on the "Bush Bullies" and his fight was a great rating boom for his show , but in the end the Republicans stole another election from America and all free-thinking people by using the Diebold voting tabulators . Stern had the last laugh though , with his rating at a all time high he signed the largest radio contract in history and made satellite radio a marketing bonanza . Like Murrow , Stern was lambasted by his former CBS employers . Murrow was shown the door , Stern is now being sued (frivolously) by CBS formally Viacom for 500 million dollars. The exact amount of money he received from the Sirius Satellite Radio signing .

Probably 70% of you will say "I hate Howard Stern" , "he's vulgar and unfunny" , that's your opinion and your welcome to it . Me , I think he's vulgar and very funny , that's my opinion and I'm welcome to it . That's the beauty of free speech and real American values and that is why I'm envious of Americans , their 1st. Amendment and the American way of life . DA Wallycrawler .



Recommended Movies : "Private Parts" , "Good Night And Good Luck".
Recommended Books : "Private Parts" , "Miss America" , "Murrow His Life And Times" .

"This Is Dedicated To The One I Love"...

Summer 2004 : A cell phone conversation .
"ring ring" "Hello"
"HI Paris" ?
"Yes"
"Hi Paris , it's Mark Gutenberg your west coast publicist" .
"Hi Marty , Waz Up" ?
"Well Paris...We're having a tough time selling you to any mainstream movie companies over here" .
"Oh I see" . "What can I do to help" ? "Should I marry someone like my sister did" ? "How'bout Scott Stapp" ?
"Who" ? "Oh..no not him , are you umm...close to someone more famous" ?
"I fucked Bruce Willis last night , how'bout him" ? "Hot" !
"Bruce who" ? "Oh ya him , no ah , someone under 50" ? "How about Jake Gyllenhaal or Heath Ledger" ?
"No , but I blew Jake at "Noboo" last year and Heath at the"Viper Room" a couple of months ago" . "Do you think one of them will marry me" ?
"Excuse me for asking dear , but who haven't you blown" ?
"Clive Owen , I've never blown him" ! "But I did see him receive a hummer from Ewan McGregor at the "Spider Bar" ! "HOT" !
"Ahh Ya" . "OK then , do you have anymore videos around" ? " You know what I mean right" ?
" No what" ?
"Videos of you...having , sex" !
"Oh those , ya of coarse" .
"But not the ones with animals"!!!?
"No , then no" .
"How about pictures of you , nude or having sex" ?
"Just the ones on my cell phone" . "I'm using the phone now" .
"Great , cell phone , great...Paris where are you" ?
"I dunno , where" ?
"No dear where are you located" ?
"Oh hehehe I'm in my car silly" .
"...Are you close to the "House of Blues" ?
"Hon ! I don't even know where my house is" !
"Go to the closest "Starbucks" and drop the cell phone in the men's room garbage can" .
"I love this phone and why the men's room" ?
"You'll look less conspectus going to the men's room and I want those pictures" !
"OK then call me at the "Zanzibar" (562)555-1212 and I'll tell you what "Starbucks" I did the drop" .
"You know the "Zanzibar's" phone number and you can't find your own house" ? "OK...Nevermind" ! "See ya sweetheart" .
"Good-bye Marvin" .




"Paris Hilton's Cell Phone Hacked" !
"Paris has also been signed to do the movie "House of Wax".

Possibly The Last Word On Scientology Goes To South Park

Click On This Site To See The Infamous Episode !

http://firstdistributorsnz.com/scientomogy/south-park.htm

Enjoy!!!