Saturday, April 08, 2006

Da Gospel According Ta Da Guy In Da Black Hat .

So some people believe Judas Iscariot was a wronged man . That's surprising especially if he was the man writing the scripts . Who'd have thunk it ? "Hey Judas ya just turned in the Son Of God what ya gonna do now " ? "I'm go'n to Disney World " ! "Then Kill Myself" .

It's Funny that every year around this time (Easter) some amazing document comes along proving Jesus was not the Son Of God . This time it's Judas's turn .

Well , as ya all know , I'm one of the lucky ones ! I've got the power to talk with the dead and I have interviewed some of history's greatest and most infamous men . I have talked to Judas before but he wouldn't take my calls now ( busy cause of this new shit I'm sure ! ) . Here's my old interview with Judas . This is an old transcript so some of the interview is kinda disjointed , but I think you'll get his message .

Wallycrawler : Judas how ya do'n ?

Judas : "I wish I could say better Wally , last night Hitler and Joe Stalin double anal raped me again" ! "That fuck'n Stalin all he wants ta do is fist fuck , fist fuck , that never gets old ta him" .

Wally : Oww ! OK then... Tell me what's Hell like Jude ?

Judas : "You'll find out Wally" . "Just kidd'n" ! "Your OK Wally" . "Ya know endless suffering , pain , da heat is fuck'n murder and ya get fuck'd in every orifice" . "I was once fornicated by a bull in my pee-hole" !

Wally : WOW I bet that smarts !

Judas : "Ya" !

Wally : Judas what happened on that last night with Jesus ? Why did you turn the Messiah in ?

Judas : (obviously nervous) "Ya see Jesus wanted to be turned in , man" ! " He wanted ta die on dat cross , ya right , that's it " ! " Ya that resurrection thing . didn't hap'n , see" ! " I know cause I was dare " . "Even if I was dead , ya dat's it" ! " Ya he wasn't da messiah anyhow , he was a , a carpenter , see , and a shitty one at dat" ! " Did ya ever see that stereo stand he made me" ? "Fuck'n sux" !

Wally : So Jesus wanted to be turned in to the authorities ? OK I see ! Why ?

Judas : "Fame Man , Fame" ! " Dat guy was all about da fame , see" ! "He makes Geraldo look like Gandhi" ! "He had all da boys (apostles I guess) write good stuff about him , man" . "Like he could , like walk on water and stuff like dat dare" !

Wally : Anyway he wanted to die so he'd be famous ?

Judas : "Ya man da fame" ! "What a fuck'n ego he's got" !

Wally : If that is true why are you in hell ? How come your not in heaven ? All the other apostles are now saints and they have the number one best selling book in the last 2000 years ? Except for "Private Parts" of coarse !

Judas : "Hey man I fuck'd up man" ! "I went and killed me-self" . " If I didn't do that , see , I'd be the Messiah" "Ya I'd be the Messiah. an Jesus would be a faded memory , that's it" ! "Fuck man , if I didn't off me I'd be Gods boy , ya that's da ticket ! "Ya I read Private Parts and dat guy's gonna get fisted too" ! "Satan can't wait til gets his hooves on dat guy" !

Wally : Is there anything that is out there to prove you were doing what Jesus wanted ?

Judas : "Ya about 400 years after I croaked some monks wrote some way-out scripture proving I was a cool dude" .

Wally : How would that prove you were righteous ?

Judas : "What da fuck ya want with me Fuck-Head" ? " Just find dat papayas , da answers dare , see" !

Wally : OK , OK , I'll pass that along ! One last question Jude , what did you do with the gold you received ?

Judas : "Whores , man , whores" ! "Dat Jesus guy wouldn't ever let me get laid man" !

Wally : Well hope it was worth it to you ? That was my interview with Judas Iscariot , former apostle , crude folk hero and rat-bastard .

For transcripts see below . Thank You The Wallycrawler .

16 Don't Just Sit There Say Sumthin !:

The Taker of Gist said...

Imposter! The real Judas had a slight lisp. And he stuttered. I know this because I knew him personally back in the day. He washed my car for ten bucks. What a guy.

wallycrawler said...

Ya I here he does all kinds of stuff for a couple of bucks .

workin' for da man too said...

Yahoo ... finally ... back to some reasonably intelligent blogging. I was worried you were gonna start writing for the Enquirer with all that celebrity crap. I quite enjoyed your Judas-gate. Very clever. Keep it up.

Die Muräne said...

hmmmm, personaly I would prefer to see more of this "Adrianna Curry"-Stuff!
But you do what you like anyway lol

wallycrawler said...

Guess it just goes ta show ya , ya can't satisfy everyone !

L>T said...

Awesome interveiw, I choose to believe every word!

wallycrawler said...

Would I make this up ?

Keshi said...

hehe Wally :) Absolutely funny but it's a got a msyterious message hidden in the's all in the books isnt it.


Gyrobo said...

Some things can be faked, others can't; this post, for example, if obviously real, as evidenced by the absence of the ampersand.

wallycrawler said...

Keshi : Me , have a message ? Naw . OK maybe a small one .

Hi Gyrobo I'm as real as real can get . It's the rest of ya I can't figure out ? Like Keshi she can't be real . She beautiful , smart , funny and thoughtful . How can a woman like that exist ?

The Taker of Gist said...

You persist in amazing me with your analytical processing powers and substantial retrospectual detection abilities.

If that didn't make sense to you, you're not alone.

Blonde Vigilante said...

You have a sick sense of humor. Anal fisting sounds like fun.

wallycrawler said...

Thank you Gist , I guess ?

Hey Blondie nice of ya ta drop by . Ya anal fist'n is a pure pleasure as long as your not the one get'n da "double hammer" !

wallycrawler said...

I hate 13 . Do ya know the story about the number 13 ?...

workin' for da man too said...

Illuminate us oh wonderous being of obscure, yet highly interesting and sometimes titillating, knowledge.

This sounds like it has the potential to be another good blog entry.

Sorry DM, I don't see an Adrianna Curry in that one for you.

F.J. Delgado said...


excellent work, my friend! I can always count on you to brighten up my day, you are the best at making fun of assholes (Judas was probably one of the biggest historical a-holes ever)!