Sunday, January 18, 2009

As Da Cross Eyed Clown Retreats To His Ranch...

Don't Ever Forget..

"The only man, woman, or child who ever wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead," American poet E.E. Cummings said on the passing of U.S. president Warren G. Harding, precursor to the far more extravagantly syntax-challenged George W. Bush.




Bemused by his losing battle with the language, but happy in his good fortune to occupy the White House just the same, Bush told the 2001 graduating class at Yale: "And to the C students, I say, you, too, can be president of the United States."
If you have tears, prepare to shed them now for the dozens of gag writers in the field of late-night comedy – a frightening number of them Canadian – obliged to quit Earl Grey for Wild Turkey as the Miscommunicator-in-Chief gives way Tuesday to a new president showing little sign of a propensity to mangle either the language or domestic and foreign policy.
Gags there will be, but alas much fewer and further between.
Assuming Dubya's future pensées are of interest mainly to the Crawford Daily Bugle, here's your last chance to review the 43rd president's greatest hits and identify the word or phrase he was attempting to convey.
"I want to share with you an interesting program -- for two reasons, one, it's interesting, and two, my wife thought of it -- or has actually been involved with it; she didn't think of it. But she thought of it for this speech." -- George W. Bush, discussing a company that improves access to clean water in Africa, Washington D.C., Oct. 21, 2008

This thaw -- took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw." -- George W. Bush, on liquidity in the markets, Alexandria, La., Oct. 20, 2008

"I didn't grow up in the ocean -- as a matter of fact -- near the ocean -- I grew up in the desert. Therefore, it was a pleasant contrast to see the ocean. And I particularly like it when I'm fishing." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2008

"What was the question? I’m 62, I’m having trouble remembering a lot of things." -- George W. Bush to a journalist at a press conference in Washington, D.C., July 15, 2008

"I think it was in the Rose Garden where I issued this brilliant statement: If I had a magic wand — but the President doesn’t have a magic wand. You just can’t say, low gas." -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., July 15, 2008

"Amigo! Amigo!" --George W. Bush, calling out to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi in Spanish at the G-8 Summit, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008.



1. "Kosovians can move back in."
2. "Keep good relations with the Grecians."
3. "If the East Timorians decide to revolt, I'm sure I'll have a statement."
4. "It is incredibly presumptive for somebody who has not yet earned his party's nomination to start speculating about vice-presidents."
5. "If the terriers and bariffs are torn down, this economy will grow."
6. "Governor Bush will not stand for the subsidation of welfare."
7. "This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It's what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve."
8. "I do not agree with this notion that somehow if I go to try to attract votes and to lead people toward a better tomorrow somehow I get subscribed to some – some doctrine gets subscribed to me."
9. "I don't want to win? If that were the case why the heck am I on the bus 16 hours a day, shaking thousands of hands, giving hundreds of speeches, getting pillared in the press and cartoons and still staying on message to win?"
10. "Other Republican candidates may retort to personal attacks and negative ads."
11. "I'm very gracious and humbled."
12. "I did denounce it. I de – I denounced it. I denounced interracial dating. I denounced anti-Catholic bigacy."
13. "This case has had a full analyzation and has been looked at a lot. I understand the emotionality of death penalty cases."
14. "A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness."
15. "I am a person who recognizes the fallacy of humans."
16. "I don't want nations feeling like that they can bully ourselves and our allies. I want to have a ballistic defence system so that we can make the world more peaceful, and at the same time I want to reduce our own nuclear capacities to the level commiserate with keeping the peace."
17. "They said, `You know, this issue doesn't seem to resignate with the people.' And you know something? Whether it resignates or not doesn't matter to me, because I stand for doing the right thing, and the right thing is hearing the voices of people who work."
18. "They misunderestimated me."
19. "I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors."
20. "Ann and I will carry out this equivocal message to the world: Markets must open."
21. "Whatever it took to help Taiwan defend theirself."
22. "Thirdly, the explorationists are willing to only move equipment during the winter, which means they'll be on ice roads, and remove the equipment as the ice begins to melt, so that fragile tundra is protected."
23. "I want to thank the dozens of welfare-to-work stories, the actual examples of people who made the firm and solemn commitment to work hard to embetter themselves."
24. "Over 75 per cent of white Americans own their home, and less than 50 per cent of Hispanos and African-Americans don't own their home. And that's a homeownership gap. And we've got to do something about it."
25. "There was no malfeance involved."
26. "I need to be able to move the right people to the right place at the right time to protect you, and I'm not going to accept a lousy bill out of the United Nations Senate."
27. "The law I sign today directs new funds and new focus to the task of collecting vital intelligence on terrorist threats and on weapons of mass production."
28. "Columbia carried in its payroll classroom experiments from some of our students in America."
29. "There was a time when many said that the cultures of Japan and Germany where incapable of sustaining democratic values. Well, they were wrong. Some say the same of Iraq today. They are mistakened."
30. "We've got hundreds of sites to exploit, looking for the chemical and biological weapons that we know Saddam Hussein had prior to our entrance into Iraq."
31. "That's why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental – supplemental funding, which is money for armour and body parts and ammunition and fuel."
32. "We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge."
33. "Do you realize we've got 250 million years' of coal?"
34. "It seemed like to me they based some of their decisions on the word of – and the allegations – by people who were held in detention, people who hate America, people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble – that means not tell the truth."
35. "After the bombing, most Iraqis saw what the perpetuators of this attack were trying to do."
36. "I was not pleased that Hamas has refused to announce its desire to destroy Israel."
37. "My brother Jeb, the great governor of Texas."
38. "I don't have to accept their tenants. I was trying to convince those college students to accept my tenants."
39. "How do you know if you don't measure, if you have a system that simply suckles kids through?"
40. "We ought to make the pie higher."



If Ya Didn't Already Know?
ANSWERS: 1. Kosovars 2. Greeks 3. East Timorese 4. presumptuous 5. tariff barriers 6. subsidization 7. Perseverance Month 8. ascribed 9. pilloried 10. resort 11. grateful 12. bigotry 13. analysis 14. antidotes 15. fallibility 16. commensurate 17. resonate 18. underestimated 19. successors 20. unequivocal 21. itself 22. explorers 23. better 24. Hispanics 25. malfeasance 26. United States Senate 27. weapons of mass destruction 28. payload 29. mistaken 30. explore 31. body armour, not body parts 32. presents 33. 250, not 250 million 34. dissemble 35. perpetrators 36. renounce 37. Jeb Bush was governor of Florida, not Texas 38. tenets 39. coddles 40. bigger.

Good Bye
Don't Let The Door Hit Ya In Da Ass On Da Way Out!
Think Ya Can Find It This Time Retard?


Now We Canadians Are Saddled With A Far More Simpler Cretan.

aka: Stephen Harper "Puppet Of Da Oil Industry" And All Around "Western Fascist"!

One Down...One Ta Go! He Has His Foot Out Da Door. "Time Ta Kick'em"!
Bye Stephen.

Sa Later Wally.

20 Don't Just Sit There Say Sumthin !:

Ice said...

lol @ Heil Stephen.

wallycrawler said...

Ya I knew you'd like that one, live'n with da enemy and all!

hehe

You still want da BB pin? Send me a email. I lost your address.

Ice said...
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Ice said...

Hey, you know my post on the firecracker up jackasses arse?

gives new meaning to "Blow it out your ass!"

haha... for some reason the comments aren't showing up on that post... wtf?...weird!

I'll email ya!

wallycrawler said...

Brilliant!!!

Ya kind'a told me off and at the same time referred to an older post of yours!


hmmmm...

My response should be funny yet, to da juggler...

Naw you win. It's your birthday.

"Happy Birthday Beautiful"!!!

Ice said...

*Point for Ice

Die Muräne said...

Old Bush is already promoting his next son (Jeb). He said, he'll make a good president of the states :DDDDD

The Phosgene Kid said...

The only change I can see coming is that the Rose Garden will probably become the Melon Patch. Wonder if Osama will have a designated smoking area and the first African American President's cigarette butts will start showing up on E-bay.

wallycrawler said...

I point Ice...

10,000 points'o'light fer da Wallycrawler...Ahhh we're even!

___________________________________

D.M. Bro Jeb am ready to take da throne.????

That will never hap'n! Unless they fix da "Diebold" again?

Ahhh it's 50-50 then!!!

__________________________________

Hey Kid.

He quit!

That's cool. I smoked fer 25 years er so. I quit!

Give'em credit!

I will'n to see if he lives up to the hype, before cast'n my stones.

Personally I want him to succeed. Who needs another fucked-up eight years?

I want my countrymen to come home. I'm sure you do too.

I want the Americans and Canadians to start buying their own goods again. If that happens, this recession will be a thing of our past . if we keep up the stupid purchases. We will collapse like a deck'o'cards!

Ice said...

*tried dropping a comment from my BB last night, but I pressed somethin', lost the comment and couldn't be bothered to do it again... lol

1 point ice THAT day, wasn't countin' ALL THA POINTS!

:)

Harmony said...

He really has problems with his words... I thought most Americans are very fluent and eloquent especially for a president

wallycrawler said...

Hey Harmony

He has problems all right!

I can fix our's with him...Send him to da Hague!

Rita said...

i certainly won't miss him! Obama has already reversed bush's executive order against stem cell research & approved it for spinal-cord injury patients.here & reversed his abortion fund ban policy here
not to mention this.

Rita said...

Oh about the Lisa post: I came across this old pulp paperback as I was going through my books for a garage sale. Wanting to start a new post, but not having time to really compose one, I hit on a fun idea. I asked my blogger buddies to put their fiction writing skills to work. All you had to do is continue the story where the previous commenter left off. No other restrictions. Post as often as you see fit. I started us off with the beginning of chapter 4 of the original novel. Written in 1961
Continued below:

Rita said...

chapter four of Lisa's Apartment

Lisa leaned back in the chair and crossed her long dancers leg's, noting with inner satisfaction that Mr. Joshua Begley wasn't too stuffy to be thoroughly conscious of her sultry body on the opposite side of his desk.

"I'm sorry to have to bring you to the office", he apologized perfunctorily, forcing himself to lift his eyes from the tempting fullness of her bosom to the frankly seductive eyes.

"I've so looked forward to meeting you," Lisa purred, knowing their wasn't a man alive who won't respond to that approach from a female of Lisa's attractiveness.

"We're thoroughly happy to have you on our staff," Beyley continued self- consciously, overly-aware of the magnetism Lisa tossed across to him, "all reports have been excellent. Except...


Anyway, I underestimated the imaginations of my blogging buddies. Let's see... they had poor Lisa having sex with a space age dildo, a couple of men at once, her adopted mother & i think her stepdad, when Larry Craig walked in in a maids uniform carrying a dachshund & a can of whipped cream... it was funnier then heck, but I was afraid certain people would not see the humor in it, if it got into the wrong hands.

wallycrawler said...

Sounds funny as hell!

Sorry I missed it!

As for Obama, hope springs eternal, but I've seen his choices at key posts and I find it to be noth'n more than a clone move.

"Stem Cell" is the way of the future. Hopefully the American medical industry doesn't kill it, yet again.

Heff said...

"Syntax Challenged", LMAO !!!

wallycrawler said...

So am I Heff, but I aint da "President of ad Yanited States"!

Neither is he now.


I'm so drunk! took me 40 min. to punch this out!

"I like your wife's tits"!

Now how many times a nite do you have'ta deal with that shit?

Your bar is so cool.


I'm gonna see ya there fer sure1

Tasty said...
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Tasty said...

heil hitler wally. cum see my flexible friends.