Monday, June 23, 2008

Re Hash: Life Lessons and UFO's .

With what happen recently, my family putting Dad down in Muskoka, this story came up in the car ride there. Most of my family thought I was a flake back then. Pretty much they have the same feel'n about me now, I guess? Who cares I know what happened that night! I think!

This is a story I've only told a couple of people in my life . I don't even think I have told my wife ? I don't think I should even tell you guys . The people who witnessed this with me , never talk about it when I see them . Two of the people don't remember any of the "incident" .

In July of 1988 I was a big partyer , heavy drinker , and a coke head . A total fuck-up . Funny though I was never more successful financially . I owned a bar and was close to opening another . I was living a bachelors dream . Living in Muskoka Ontario (vacation land of the rich and famous in the summer) , good looking (I was good looking honest) , a good income , and a different woman every night . I loved that lifestyle , but call me crazy I love my life now better . There's no comparison . OK the wife's not looking any more , fuck it was wild . As they say all good things must come to an end and my end was a tax called the GST . It screwed my business over royally . As you might expect I never did plan for a soft period and lived high (more ways than one ) so the "Ole Pub" closed . Just as well the future of the bar business in Canada died the day Brain Mulroney crafted that tax , unless you own a franchise yuppie theme restaurant .

I wanted to tell you where my head was at at that time in my life . I thought about me , and that business , in that order . Nothing else mattered to me . I was a empty piece'o'shit .

After we'd close the bar , some of us , friends and co-workers , would go over to the Gravenhurst "Cliffs" and party . Some nights it would be pretty wild , mild orgies , skinny dipping , lines of white . We wouldn't stop until dawn or the cops showed up . The Police were always great to us . I think they would come just to see what stripper or actress was there with us . One very hot night ten of us went for a late night of carousing at the "Cliffs" . It was a full moon so every thing at the lake was pretty bright , not a cloud in the sky . The night sky was amazing , clear and full , you could see every star in the sky . Off to the north we could see the Northern Lights dancing . For hours we would say to each other "wow did you ever see them this bright" ? Usually they wouldn't show up this well on a bright night . What was really weird was they would shine up past the trees into the sky and dance red, yellow , white and then be gone . And they seemed to be getting closer . I think I said that , a million times to my friend ( I'll call him Peter , cause that's his name) ! "Pete what gives with those lights" ? "Fuck Wally haven't you seen the fuck'n Northern Lights before" ? "Now give me a fuck'n line before I do a dive" ! Peter would do back flips off the cliff . A Twenty Foot Back Flip , "nuts" . He was a good friend and a crazy bastard . He also got the best poon , the fucker . This night we where very lucky , out of the ten of us eight where chicks . Two were transient dancers , two were tourists , the others were regulars (fuck buddies) . The two tourists and myself were into the lights the most , at first I was into the "dancing lights" cause they were into them . One of the tourist girls was a stunningly hot thing , a "major spinner" ( under 5' 2") and game for anything . I was quite smitten . Just as I was getting somewhere with her... Something happened... A bright white light appeared around the point . Not a flash light , a large spot light shining downward from a seemingly empty sky . The light was not moving but fixed with not a sound coming from it . It was pointing right at the edge if the water and small dock . It was like daylight had hit a twenty foot radius of the lake . I ran over to the edge of the cliff to see Pete and the girls treading water and transfixed on the light . "Peter is that a helicopter" ? "No , shut up they'll hear us" ! "Who" ? "I dunno shut the fuck up" ! As soon as he said that ...Nothing , no light...Nothing ! I turned around too see my little blond and she was laying flat on her back passed out , her dark haired friend was also completely passed out right beside her , both naked as jay birds , out cold ! "Peter what the fuck is hap'n here" ? "Pete what gives is it the cops fucken around , Pete" ? ..."Shhh Someones here"? "Where" ? "Down here and the girls are scared shitless" ! "Get the fuck out of the water" ! One of the strippers ran right by me ...ZZZZZAT the lights go up over our heads . The spot is shinning right down at me and the tourist chicks . Peter runs right by me followed by the rest ." Wally come on get out'a there , now" ! I couldn't , I wouldn't . I wouldn't leave them there like that and how did they get like that they were fine a moment ago ..."Bam" I get hit in the head , hard and I'm down . Seconds later the lights go out and the girls wake up asking for their clothes . Fuck my head hurt like a two day hangover . The little blond was complaining about a sore stomach , the dark haired chick picked her up and we made our way back to my parked van. What was funny was I wasn't scared anymore we simply walked back to the vehicle . When we approached the Caravan the windows were all steamed up , I opened the door to see Pete laying in the back of the van with the two strippers ."Hey what gives out there" ? "Fuck Wally where have you been man , I looked all over the place for you man " !" What? Did one of those girls hit me in the head or what" ? "Look man you been gone for over an hour we looked everywhere" . "It's 5 o'clock . You and da girls have been gone for over a hour , where did you go to hide" ? " Hide I didn't hide. Peter if you know what is going on here tell me" . "When the lights changed color you and the girls where gone , we ran back to the car and we heard a commotion coming from the woods . We all jumped in the van just as a bear ran by the front . Then there was shooting all around us ". " A fuck'n bear and shooting are you fuck'n with me" ? "No , after awhile I got my nerve up to go and get you , but you were gone , you and da girls were gone" !
We all got in the van and started to drive back to my place . "Pete where did the others go" ? "They took off with the cops man" . "What fuck'n cops" ? "Wally the cops just left when you appeared" . "Did the cops ask about me" ? "They just said you'd show up, eventually" . "Fuck the police" ! I was sober , I was extremely sober . When we got back to the house we all got fucked up again and got down to it . What is weird about that night was Peter and I never talked about it to anybody for over a month and then only in jest . The two dancers were never seen again , the two tourists we fondled quite regular that summer and they didn't remember any of it . The townie chicks didn't ever bring it up so we wouldn't . So...was it the cops fuck'n with us , Peter mentioned about the light changing color I don't remember any of that , was I just wasted and passed out when I was hit with something . Why did the girls from "out of town" pass out that fast and where the fuck did a hour or so go ? Your guess is as good as mine cause back then my head really wasn't on too straight .

That's my U.F.O. story , lame eh ? The names haven't been added cause I don't remember their names , except Pete .

Psst, I really do remember those girls names I'm just not tell'n cause my old lady would flip ! I can't remember her best friends names . Wally Out !

8 Don't Just Sit There Say Sumthin !:

wisdomstuff said...

Can you believe I actually read that WHOLE story? LOL at the wife comment. Funny the things we remember. UFO, huh? I can't say one way or the other.

wallycrawler said...

Me either. Funny I barley drink now. Let alone do drugs.

I'm so bore'n.

Wait...I do have one vise left.

I'm not that bore'n!

wisdomstuff said...

What could that vice possibly be? I will have to think on that.

wallycrawler said...

It's a vice most men have.

I'm just da one that admits it!

Ice said...


...and the highway with the rock walls.

It's truly beautiful up there.

Sis is lucky in a sense.

She now calls Barrie the "City" as opposed to Toronto. LOL


Anonymous said...

I am all about the spinners. . .

~ Five Foot, Two Here !

Anonymous said...

Damn hit 'publish' too fast. I had a thought but fuck it, I forgot.

~ Absent Minded

Toby said...

God bless us all.

You know, because God blesses us all. Even all the little notes tucked under your pillow. They work.