Monday, May 15, 2006

Life Lessons and UFO's .

This is a story I've only told a couple of people in my life . I don't even think I have told my wife ? I don't think I should even tell you guys . The people who witnessed this with me , never talk about it when I see them . Two of the people don't remember any of the "incident" .

In July of 1988 I was a big partyer , heavy drinker , and a coke head . A total fuck-up . Funny though I was never more successful financially . I owned a bar and was close to opening another . I was living a bachelors dream . Living in Muskoka Ontario (vacation land of the rich and famous in the summer) , good looking (I was good looking honest) , a good income , and a different woman every night . I loved that lifestyle , but call me crazy I love my life now better . There's no comparison . OK the wife's not looking any more , fuck it was wild . As they say all good things must come to an end and my end was a tax called the GST . It screwed my business over royally . As you might expect I never did plan for a soft period and lived high (more ways than one ) so the "Ole Pub" closed . Just as well the future of the bar business in Canada died the day Brain Mulroney crafted that tax , unless you own a franchise yuppie theme restaurant .

I wanted to tell you where my head was at at that time in my life . I thought about me , and that business , in that order . Nothing else mattered to me . I was a empty piece'o'shit .

After we'd close the bar , some of us , friends and co-workers , would go over to the Gravenhurst "Cliffs" and party . Some nights it would be pretty wild , mild orgies , skinny dipping , lines of white . We wouldn't stop until dawn or the cops showed up . The Police were always great to us . I think they would come just to see what stripper or actress was there with us . One very hot night ten of us went for a late night of carousing at the "Cliffs" . It was a full moon so every thing at the lake was pretty bright , not a cloud in the sky . The night sky was amazing , clear and full , you could see every star in the sky . Off to the north we could see the Northern Lights dancing . For hours we would say to each other "wow did you ever see them this bright" ? Usually they wouldn't show up this well on a bright night . What was really weird was they would shine up past the trees into the sky and dance red, yellow , white and then be gone . And they seemed to be getting closer . I think I said that , a million times to my friend ( I'll call him Peter , cause that's his name) ! "Pete what gives with those lights" ? "Fuck Wally haven't you seen the fuck'n Northern Lights before" ? "Now give me a fuck'n line before I do a dive" ! Peter would do back flips off the cliff . A Twenty Foot Back Flip , "nuts" . He was a good friend and a crazy bastard . He also got the best poon , the fucker . This night we where very lucky , out of the ten of us eight where chicks . Two were transient dancers , two were tourists , the others were regulars (fuck buddies) . The two tourists and myself were into the lights the most , at first I was into the "dancing lights" cause they were into them . One of the tourist girls was a stunningly hot thing , a "major spinner" ( under 5' 2") and game for anything . I was quite smitten . Just as I was getting somewhere with her... Something happened... A bright white light appeared around the point . Not a flash light , a large spot light shining downward from a seemingly empty sky . The light was not moving but fixed with not a sound coming from it . It was pointing right at the edge if the water and small dock . It was like daylight had hit a twenty foot radius of the lake . I ran over to the edge of the cliff to see Pete and the girls treading water and transfixed on the light . "Peter is that a helicopter" ? "No , shut up they'll hear us" ! "Who" ? "I dunno shut the fuck up" ! As soon as he said that ...Nothing , no light...Nothing ! I turned around too see my little blond and she was laying flat on her back passed out , her dark haired friend was also completely passed out right beside her , both naked as jay birds , out cold ! "Peter what the fuck is hap'n here" ? "Pete what gives is it the cops fucken around , Pete" ? ..."Shhh Someones here"? "Where" ? "Down here and the girls are scared shitless" ! "Get the fuck out of the water" ! One of the strippers ran right by me ...ZZZZZAT the lights go up over our heads . The spot is shinning right down at me and the tourist chicks . Peter runs right by me followed by the rest ." Wally come on get out'a there , now" ! I couldn't , I wouldn't . I wouldn't leave them there like that and how did they get like that they were fine a moment ago ..."Bam" I get hit in the head , hard and I'm down . Seconds later the lights go out and the girls wake up asking for their clothes . Fuck my head hurt like a two day hangover . The little blond was complaining about a sore stomach , the dark haired chick picked her up and we made our way back to my parked van. What was funny was I wasn't scared anymore we simply walked back to the vehicle . When we approached the Caravan the windows were all steamed up , I opened the door to see Pete laying in the back of the van with the two strippers ."Hey what gives out there" ? "Fuck Wally where have you been man , I looked all over the place for you man " !" What? Did one of those girls hit me in the head or what" ? "Look man you been gone for over an hour we looked everywhere" . "It's 5 o'clock . You and da girls have been gone for over a hour , where did you go to hide" ? " Hide I didn't hide. Peter if you know what is going on here tell me" . "When the lights changed color you and the girls where gone , we ran back to the car and we heard a commotion coming from the woods . We all jumped in the van just as a bear ran by the front . Then there was shooting all around us ". " A fuck'n bear and shooting are you fuck'n with me" ? "No , after awhile I got my nerve up to go and get you , but you were gone , you and da girls were gone" !
We all got in the van and started to drive back to my place . "Pete where did the others go" ? "They took off with the cops man" . "What fuck'n cops" ? "Wally the cops just left when you appeared" . "Did the cops ask about me" ? "They just said you'd show up, eventually" . "Fuck the police" ! I was sober , I was extremely sober . When we got back to the house we all got fucked up again and got down to it . What is weird about that night was Peter and I never talked about it to anybody for over a month and then only in jest . The two dancers were never seen again , the two tourists we fondled quite regular that summer and they didn't remember any of it . The townie chicks didn't ever bring it up so we wouldn't . So...was it the cops fuck'n with us , Peter mentioned about the light changing color I don't remember any of that , was I just wasted and passed out when I was hit with something . Why did the girls from "out of town" pass out that fast and where the fuck did a hour or so go ? Your guess is as good as mine cause back then my head really wasn't on too straight .

That's my U.F.O. story , lame eh ? The names haven't been added cause I don't remember their names , except Pete .

Psst, I really do remember those girls names I'm just not tell'n cause my old lady would flip ! I can't remember her best friends names . Wally Out !

15 Don't Just Sit There Say Sumthin !:

kate said...

omg... ok great post. I soooo wish I had a wild past... but I guess I will just have to live vicariously!! lol

"He also got the best poon the fucker ." ummm whats a poon?


wallycrawler said...

Dear Kate , "poon" is my favorite late night snack ! It doesn't make ya fat . It actually can make ya slim , but it'll make ya sick if ya eat the wrong batch . So be careful . The rule is , if it smells like lake water it's good , if it smells like raw sewage don't partake !

F.J. Delgado said...

awesome story!

wish I had been there, more for the girls than anything else!

honestly, UFO's creep the shit out of me, but I love reading about them... did you see the movie Signs? one of my faves.

wallycrawler said...

Ya I did see "Signs" and loved it . There is no way I could ever say without exception that we witnessed a "Alien spacecraft" I think what we all experienced was a mass hysteria .

Lights in the sky hardly mean aliens from another planet . They probably mean OPP officers trying to make a drug bust .

Life has ups and downs that was actually at a down in my life . Who really knows what happened that night !? My brain was not working very well at the time . Drugs and alcohol make a small event seem large and a large event seem small . I dunno hard to explain . Being zooed out every other night really affected my life and my family's life . At the time I had a son . He barely seen me . I was a total loser !

But I did have some fun and I guess that's why people do drugs and alcohol . They're sometimes...Crazy insane fun .

And FJ I wish you were there that night too . Ya you could have had the townie chicks . LOL .

I was in Muskoka last year and the "cliffs" are intact . People still party there . So fun times can still be had . My 9 year old daughter went swimming . She loved it ! My wife was scared shitless !

Steph said...

Are you sure you weren't just off your tits??

Oh sorry, Aussiespeak for drunk/stoned/wasted etc.

Keshi said...

lol @off ur tits!

**a large spot light shining downward from a seemingly empty sky .

Wally mate ur sure it wasnt some hallucinations due to the high spirits at the time ;-)


Die Muräne said...

Greeeeeaaaat story, man!
If you stank out of your ass the whole rest of the day, we would knew what these ufo guys did with you for an hour... but you didn't mention that...

I must admit, I don't really believe in this ufo and stuff. I think it was a normal angel. But who knows.

wallycrawler said...

Was I "off my tits" ? Dam strait I was . Was I out of my mind at the time ? Ya !

I believe in U.F.O.'s , but I don't believe in grey extraterrestrials fly'n around bothering trailer park minds , like my own . I think all sighting are natural phenomena and can be explained . What happened that night is explainable . We were fucked up and the cops were looking for something or someone . The light in the sky ? Probably a large spot from a police boat . The no sound ? They use trolling motors that are electric . The girls passing out ? We were drinking & doing coke all night once the coke wares of , the alcohol kicks in , boom , your out in seconds . Me getting whacked in the head ? I dunno ? All I know was , it hurt . I didn't add I didn't have a bump or was sore there the next day ?!? The missing hour ? I told you Pete was a crazy bastard , who knows what he was up to ? Maybe I just passed out ? Maybe I blacked out from all the drink ? That has never happened to me before or after , but maybe ? The bear ? There is all kinds of black bear in Muskoka , all that noise scared the shit out'a him probably ! The shots ? We are talking about the OPP , not the smartest breed of man here ! And , who's to say there was any shots ? I didn't hear any , or maybe they met up with that bear ? LOL .

workin' for da man too said...

Regardless of what really happened, it makes a damn good story! Another myth is born.
Wally you really were an ignorant slut in those days. Gotta love those 80s. What a time.
We could've had a really good time together my friend. Oh well, we did anyway ... just separately.

L>T said...

Cynic that I am, I'd say it was the drugs.
I took a bunch of pills one night in the 1970's (when I was very young) & lost 3 whole days. I came to my senses on the steps of a church. I have no clue how i spent those 3 days.

Slickitysly said...

Dude....that sure was an entertaining story. I usually don't read long posts, but yours wasn't boring in the slightest. Even so, I gotta ask how f'd up you were that night. I've been cooked before and woken up in the wierdest places (lying against gas pumps with cops tapping me, garbage dumpster during Frosh Week, hospital after my birthday etc...). Bottom line is that shit happens when you are f'd up, though that's not to say what you saw wasn't legit...

wallycrawler said...

I>t & Slick : I love da coke ! The thing with "white" though it makes you overly aware , paranoid , if ya do to much .

Anonymous said...
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wallycrawler said...

What ever , clone !

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