..." Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the FUCK out of everybody!"-Sam Kinison
I'm at home sick, again. God I hate being sick I'm the biggest baby when I'm ill. I will just curl up in a ball in front of the fireplace and watch TV. My wife can paint a room, cut the grass, do the laundry, wash the floors and make dinner... All with a temperature of 101! How do women do that? Us men are such babies! I'm the biggest baby. Anyway today I decided to watch a old video, something I haven't seen for a while. I searched around awhile and pulled out a piece of gold. "The King'O'Stand-Up Comedy"... Samuel Burl Kinison. (((OH OH OHHH!))). If you don't know who Sam is stop reading now... OK most everybody is still here right? Sam Kinison was the funniest man ever that stood on stage with a microphone. There were other great stand-up's: Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Bill Cosby and of course the best on his time George W. Bush... None of them could hold a candle, (what does that mean anyway?) to Sam. The first time I saw Kinison was on "Rodney Dangerfield's Young Comedians Special" on HBO l. Rodney had seen this crazy comic on the circuit and he blew his mind. Rodney really had a knack at finding and promoting comedians. Sam was one of many stand-up's Rodney had discovered in his lifetime, including Roseanne Barr, Jerry Seinfeld, Brad Garrett, Jim Carey...on and on... But Sam was his favorite discovery. Mine too.
Kinison said things and did things on and off stage that are truly memorable. A prime example would be; when Sam and his first wife were involved in a fight the night before he was going on a long road trip. His wife arouse the next morning, all bright and cheerful. She pretended to make up with him, stating; "I'm sorry baby , I love you baby", she packed his bag & proceeded to hide a loaded .38 in his luggage. Nice eh?
Ahh... When Sam got out of jail.... His wife had cleaned out the house and left him penniless. "There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.’—Sam Kinison 1988. Priceless !
When I herd him tell that story for the first time I nearly pissed myself! It goes to show ya, never let anyone touch your bags especially the woman your screwing around on! "The Wild Thing" was Sam's badge, a moniker that was well deserved. Sam started living with a "scream'n hawt" model Malika Souiri and then was caught boffing her equally as "smoke'n" sister Sabrina. Instead off getting his balls cut off, he talked both of them into setting up house with him. WA DA FUCK!!! Ya that was Sam. How do you do that? Please tell me! Another funny antidote in his short career was the time Sam was flown out from Los Angles to New York to tape the "Joan Rivers Show", on her dime! He was just got out'a rehab. That morning he stopped by his best friends radio show..." The Howard Stern Show ". Howard was teasing him all morning, " Hey your not very funny since you quit the booze Sam"! Unfortunately Howard's ribbing was really what Sam thought down deep...He couldn't be funny without the aid of alcohol and drugs. Kinison went to the dressing room grabbed a liter of champagne & downed it. He got drunker & drunker as the show went on. He was also getting funnier and funnier. That day he didn't show up for his date on the "Rivers Show". Rivers was fucking pissed at Sam for fucking her show and her audience over. She had a whole hour devoted to him. She was going to introduce him as the next "Big Thing"! Joan Rivers was not going to stand for that, she had a studio full of people and no other guests booked. So she and her camera crew descended on to Sam's hotel suite and banged on his door; " Sam are you in there "? "Why didn't you show up"? "Are you drunk again"? Now that's some funny crazy shit! Sam had that effect on most women, he'd fuck them and then they would fuck him even harder.
From his exploits with Jessica Hahn to his stunts on "Saturday Night Live", everything in his life and on stage, was full of risk and danger. When Sam went out for dinner wait staff would fight to serve him. He was a notoriously heavy tipper. If the bill came to a thousand bucks he would tip a thousand. Kinison never did anything small. His drug indulgences would attest to that. But through all of this Sam never lost sight of his inner self. In his former profession he was a revival preacher. When Sam would fall off the wagon or lose his way, Sam would always came back to God. In Sam Kinison's last days he started preaching again. Ironically, while on route to a show in Las Vegas, April 10th. 1992, Sam Kinison was killed by a drunk driver. Sam's last words were "I 'm not ready", looking up at the sky he seemed to come to terms with what was stated back,"OK...OK...OK...OK...". His last word's are one of the most quoted ever.
Sam Kinison was a great comic mind and I couldn't ever give him justice by writing any of his bits, so I'll recommend one of his DVD's: "Breaking The Rules" pure gold !!! Also the biography "Brother Sam" by Sam's real bother, Bill Kinison. A very well written and a totally insightful look at this very funny man!
God Bless you Sam thanx for the laughs.
Wally 2005
"ok...ok...ok...ok..."
