"Your Mission" : "Not To See This Movie" !

And The Hype Machine Keeps On Turn'n :

Last month "Parade Magazine" published an online poll , that found 84% of it's readers thought the media was to blame for Tom Cruise's "flaky image" ! Turns out , out of 18,000 respondents ,14,000 votes came from 10 different computers , and 8,400 votes came from one specific computer ! This is typical , most magazines never check facts . Even their own stats . If I was "Parade" I'd wonder if online polls actually worked ?

That being said who gives a fuck ?

Most of you know how I feel about "The Church Of Scientology" and other cults . "Da Church" is way behind this movie , way behind ! They have a lot of moo-law tied up in "Mission Imposable III" . I'd really like them to fall flat on their faces , like last years "War Of The Worlds" . If you have some free time this weekend please don't see "M:i:III" . Go for a walk , go out to dinner , stay home and curl up for some hot sex , just don't go see this derwreck ! In a few months it'll be out on DVD anyhoo , then rent it .

Why give these white slavers a single dime !

Thanx Da Wallycrawler .

"Spring Has Sprung" !

So I guess ya figured I've been kinda avoiding the ol' blog lately . And yer right ! It's spring and I just haven't had time to post or write or think . The wife has me work'n all around the house , build'n and shit (Witch!) The kid and I will be playing & swimming at the park soon and I'll be ogling da chicks at the beach . So I think I'll just shut her down a bit during the summer months . I have a post almost ready so I'll post that soon ( I hope ) and then I'll just hang around now and then . Maybe make some comments when the sun isn't shin'n or someth'n and then get back to it next October , ya know in the fall .

It's been a great first 6 months . I've been chastised by a Fox news staffer , threatened by a Scientologist , called a liberal freak , told I was a pig by a "thirtysometing" student , I've had some people call me every name in the book...So it's been a very successful endeavor so far and it's been loads of fun , so thank you all very much !

So I wish you all a very happy Spring and Summer . I'll be around , just not as much .
Da Wallycrawler .

Thanx to Die Murane for being my first real comment ! Also to all the other bloggers who have made me laugh , think and argue . Thanx everyone !

Happy Easter

Good Friday

Da Gospel According Ta Da Guy In Da Black Hat .

So some people believe Judas Iscariot was a wronged man . That's surprising especially if he was the man writing the scripts . Who'd have thunk it ? "Hey Judas ya just turned in the Son Of God what ya gonna do now " ? "I'm go'n to Disney World " ! "Then Kill Myself" .

It's Funny that every year around this time (Easter) some amazing document comes along proving Jesus was not the Son Of God . This time it's Judas's turn .

Well , as ya all know , I'm one of the lucky ones ! I've got the power to talk with the dead and I have interviewed some of history's greatest and most infamous men . I have talked to Judas before but he wouldn't take my calls now ( busy cause of this new shit I'm sure ! ) . Here's my old interview with Judas . This is an old transcript so some of the interview is kinda disjointed , but I think you'll get his message .

Wallycrawler : Judas how ya do'n ?

Judas : "I wish I could say better Wally , last night Hitler and Joe Stalin double anal raped me again" ! "That fuck'n Stalin all he wants ta do is fist fuck , fist fuck , that never gets old ta him" .

Wally : Oww ! OK then... Tell me what's Hell like Jude ?

Judas : "You'll find out Wally" . "Just kidd'n" ! "Your OK Wally" . "Ya know endless suffering , pain , da heat is fuck'n murder and ya get fuck'd in every orifice" . "I was once fornicated by a bull in my pee-hole" !

Wally : WOW I bet that smarts !

Judas : "Ya" !

Wally : Judas what happened on that last night with Jesus ? Why did you turn the Messiah in ?

Judas : (obviously nervous) "Ya see Jesus wanted to be turned in , man" ! " He wanted ta die on dat cross , ya right , that's it " ! " Ya that resurrection thing . didn't hap'n , see" ! " I know cause I was dare " . "Even if I was dead , ya dat's it" ! " Ya he wasn't da messiah anyhow , he was a , a carpenter , see , and a shitty one at dat" ! " Did ya ever see that stereo stand he made me" ? "Fuck'n sux" !

Wally : So Jesus wanted to be turned in to the authorities ? OK I see ! Why ?

Judas : "Fame Man , Fame" ! " Dat guy was all about da fame , see" ! "He makes Geraldo look like Gandhi" ! "He had all da boys (apostles I guess) write good stuff about him , man" . "Like he could , like walk on water and stuff like dat dare" !

Wally : Anyway he wanted to die so he'd be famous ?

Judas : "Ya man da fame" ! "What a fuck'n ego he's got" !

Wally : If that is true why are you in hell ? How come your not in heaven ? All the other apostles are now saints and they have the number one best selling book in the last 2000 years ? Except for "Private Parts" of coarse !

Judas : "Hey man I fuck'd up man" ! "I went and killed me-self" . " If I didn't do that , see , I'd be the Messiah" "Ya I'd be the Messiah. an Jesus would be a faded memory , that's it" ! "Fuck man , if I didn't off me I'd be Gods boy , ya that's da ticket ! "Ya I read Private Parts and dat guy's gonna get fisted too" ! "Satan can't wait til gets his hooves on dat guy" !

Wally : Is there anything that is out there to prove you were doing what Jesus wanted ?

Judas : "Ya about 400 years after I croaked some monks wrote some way-out scripture proving I was a cool dude" .

Wally : How would that prove you were righteous ?

Judas : "What da fuck ya want with me Fuck-Head" ? " Just find dat papayas , da answers dare , see" !

Wally : OK , OK , I'll pass that along ! One last question Jude , what did you do with the gold you received ?

Judas : "Whores , man , whores" ! "Dat Jesus guy wouldn't ever let me get laid man" !

Wally : Well hope it was worth it to you ? That was my interview with Judas Iscariot , former apostle , crude folk hero and rat-bastard .

For transcripts see below . Thank You The Wallycrawler .

Game Two : Who's Da Hottest Reality Star ?

Adrianna Curry: From "ANTM" & "Surreal Life"

or

Amber Brkich : From "Survivor" & "Amazing Race"